IVs Player Profiles

  • Michael Biltoo

    Michael Biltoo

    (Nick) Name: Adult, Adulti, A.Dult, Fat Pav, Marcus Aurelius, most importantly Chair
    DOB: 31 March, a long long time ago in a faraway galaxy…
    Place of birth: London
    Position: Wing -> 9 ->blindside flank -> Tighthead. Time-honoured transition complete
    Weight: Ricky Hatton-esque (in terms of fluctuation)
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): Count whichever tour since 2000, I’ve been on it.
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: The fact that you’re always on tour, even when you’re not
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Chris Dunn – so I could be my own boss (think about that one…)
    What is your special talent: Pint glass, ahem (rumours confirmed during a team-mate’s stag-do in the ‘Dam)
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Stay awake on a night out

  • Mike Hawthorne

    Mike Hawthorne

    (Nick) Name: The Enforcer
    DOB: 24.1.1973
    Place of birth: Downpatrick
    Position: Loose-Head Prop
    Weight: 110kg
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 2
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: having played for 30+ years in 20+ countries, the best welcome I got anywhere was at my first stint at The Rock in 2001/2 season and then an even better welcome in 2009/10 with the 4s
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Andy Ray – just to be laid back and less intense
    What is your special talent: Enforcing
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: The ability to make English Rugby fans mute. Will acquire this power when Ireland beat them in RWC 2015

  • Toby Nicholson

    Toby Nicholson

    (Nick) Name: Nicholgook / Nicholmess / Impossible / Chi 2 / Toby Wong
    DOB: A few years after the Vietnam war
    Place of birth: Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
    Position: Flanker / 8 / Second Row
    Weight: Irrelevant / heaviest in the Tight 8 – FACT
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): RP IVs 2004-12, Chief Sneak 2008-12. You heard
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: Smashing opponents (especially Welsh ones) on and off the field; the Asian contingent in the team allowing me to have conversations in my native language which I cannot have at home because my family are not Asian
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Adult – so that I wouldn’t fall foul of my own noting / sneaking
    What is your special talent: Being disallowed on return flights from tour for no apparent reason (see above)
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Controlling baby sick; opening my eyes

  • Koujiro Tambara

    Koujiro Tambara

    (Nick) Name: Chi, The Japanese one, Mr Miagi, Kris with a K, Phuc Dat Bich
    DOB: 31/07/1987
    Place of birth: Yokohama, Japan
    Position: 13 / 15
    Weight: 93kg
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): Cambridge (although please note his extreme absence on this tour), Newcastle, Hackney Marshes, Arnhem
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: 1) Lots of Asian team-mates so I feel at home (already put in a proposal to change post-match meals to Udon noodles & Sushi), and 2) team-mates are all so supportive of my receding hairline & growing “abdominals”
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Grinder – so that my gym routine would be nice & simple (“curls for the girls”); Chi
    What is your special talent: Opening batsman at boatraces
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: The ability to not be confused with Chi by everyone (offenders include Chi’s wife; a team-mate’s mother; and a referee who couldn’t decide which one of us to issue a yellow card to); showering with the boys

  • Stewart Williams

    Stewart Williams

    (Nick) Name: Flash (ahhhhhh)
    DOB: Ages ago
    Place of birth: Mongo
    Position: Scrum half
    Weight: more than a prop
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 4
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: Strength and honour
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Dunny – to be Adult’s boss for a week
    What is your special talent: Experience
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: To be able to fit into the 9 shirt, rather than always wearing the #16 (reserve hooker) shirt

  • Peter Hynes

    Peter Hynes

    (Nick) Name: Hynesy, Pol Pot
    DOB: 06/06/1990
    Place of birth: Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire
    Position: Full back/ Fly half
    Weight: 91kg
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 2
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: #winning
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Kouj Tambara (to buy a IVs party yacht)
    What is your special talent: Putting up with Bad Taste
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Teleportation

  • Henry Galbraith

    Henry Galbraith

    (Nick) Name: Grindr
    DOB: 08/08/1986
    Place of birth: London
    Position: Lock/ Back Row
    Weight: 15 stone
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 3.5
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: That it’s a massive family (Grindr loves family), where you are always welcome. Once a IV always a IV
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: LADult
    What is your special talent: Going AWOL, pleasing step-mama, being a naughty boy
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Invisibility

  • Julius Malewicz

    Julius Malewicz

    (Nick) Name: Space Cadet, Quality Control, Etiquette
    DOB: 25/07/1990
    Place of birth: London
    Position: 11 sometimes 14
    Weight: Think BT minus Si
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 5 – Slovenia, Swansea (Micro), Cardiff (Micro Micro), Newcastle, Arnhem
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: That we walk 3 miles to get to our pitch
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Flash
    What is your special talent: Knocking the ball on within the opponent’s 5-metre line; having a head filled only with two little bluebirds who fly around all day bumping into one another
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Remembering backline calls (to avoid asking “What’s the difference between a Dummy-Switch-Pop and a Dummy-Switch-Miss?” during the warm-up to the MMT Cup Final); brain power

  • Jamie Dalton

    Jamie Dalton

    (Nick) Name: Maximus
    DOB: 23/03/1990
    Place of birth: Hong Kong, Spain
    Position: Prop – apparently he’s the only one strong enough to play there, he said to a young lady / missionary
    Weight: 93 kg without armour
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): Two – Amsterdam ’15 & Hackney Marshes ‘15
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: The club facilities and spaghetti carbonara dinners; having teammates that served with me at Vindabona
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Oliver Reed
    What is your special talent: Being entertained
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Defeating a hangover; brining back my wife and son murdered by Commodus

  • Alan Bowe

    Alan Bowe

    (Nick) Name: Alan The Prop, ATP
    DOB: 1986
    Place of birth: UK (north of the wall)
    Position: Forward (for more specifics, see his nickname)
    Weight: 82kg
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): IV
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: it has the same number of syllables as my name
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: I’d be less Roman and more like its digital equivalent 11
    What is your special talent: Getting injured; monster downer
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Ability to cure hangovers (it’s basically the solution to world peace); play more than five minutes without getting injured

  • Jock Brooke

    Jock Brooke

    (Nick) Name: Butters / Fat Callum
    DOB: 23/02/92
    Place of birth: The North
    Position: 6/12
    Weight: 95kg / 15.5 stone
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 1 Tour and 2 Micro-tours (honourary tour member in Newcastle where he made his IVs debut – good lad)
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: Winning (hashtag every week / hashtag can’t stop) – also mutual appreciation of a carbonara
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Callum – because he’s the most like me, and I’m awesome
    What is your special talent: The ability to keep going on nights out with the IVs despite knowing what will happen
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: A ‘fend’ like Chris Whitehouse

  • Nick Salisbury

    Nick Salisbury

    (Nick) Name: Bad Taste, BT, CNO, Fat Jabs
    DOB: 16/11/89
    Place of birth: That famous Welsh town, Doncaster
    Position: Full Back/Wing / prop in waiting
    Weight: 99.9999999kg
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 5
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: The unwavering acceptance of all races and body shapes
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Joe Kelly AKA Fritzl. I feel we have similar tastes.
    What is your special talent: It’s in the name
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: To say no to Kouj

  • Chi Yeo

    Chi Yeo

    (Nick) Name: Chi Yeo / CHIef Sneak / Toby / Psy / Kouj
    DOB: 19th July 1986
    Place of birth: The Jungles of Malaysia
    Position: Openside Flanker / Prop
    Weight: 80Kg
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 6
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: The lads
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Bad Taste – to know what it is like to live without any shame or dignity
    What is your special talent: Gangnam Style
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Gladiator Powers

  • Tony Barrett

    Tony Barrett

    (Nick) Name: James Haskell
    DOB: 13/09/1990
    Place of birth: Essex
    Position: Second row/No.8 (fitness dependent)
    Weight: fluctuates. Currently 18st
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 1
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: playing down in Richmond Park
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: One of our impossibly good-looking props who makes Dimitri Szarszewski look ordinary
    What is your special talent: once had to memorise 100 jokes for a talent show
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Stop getting caught out having inane arguments with Neil Back on Twitter about selfie sticks

  • Adrian Milne

    Adrian Milne

    (Nick) Name: Milo
    DOB: 14/7/1986
    Place of birth: Ireland
    Position: Second Row/Back Row
    Weight: 91 KG
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 0
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: the IVs “All gain no pain” ethos
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Easy…..Carlsson of course!
    What is your special talent: I’m very good at not scoring tries…which is harder than I get credit for – also do a good rendition of “we didn’t start the fire”
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: To win any game of connect 4 in three moves

  • Niall Flaherty

    Niall Flaherty

    (Nick) Name: Niall / ginge
    DOB: 14th January
    Place of birth: Offaly, Ireland
    Position: Centre/Wing
    Weight: 90+…
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 3 – Slovenia, Hackney and Amsterdam
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: Chi
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Chi
    What is your special talent: Letting Chi make tackles
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: To be Chi

  • Callum Fraser

    Callum Fraser

    (Nick) Name: Stingers Lite, bong master, Jock 2.0, Butters Lite
    DOB: 12/10/1989
    Place of birth: Aberdeen
    Position: Centre
    Weight: 99.9kg
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 99.9kg
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: winning, getting kicked out of mare motos on a weekly basis, touring (fouring) and most importantly an incredible atmosphere week in week out with the fours.
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Kouj, as I would still get to play in the centres and would have access to the bank of Tambara for a week!
    What is your special talent: my chewbacca impression.
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: be chair

  • Patrick McLennan

    John McLernon

    (Nick) Name: Nice Guy, Pat, Paddy
    DOB: 21/07/80 .. Yes I know , I look good ?
    Place of birth: Durham City
    Position: Back Row/2nd Row
    Weight: 16 Stone/ 101.6 KG
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 7 Tours & 2 Micro Tours
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: Never a quiet night!
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Wrigglesworth… Student life!!
    What is your special talent: Ensuring there is a high spew ratio amongst tourists during court
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: To transform my car into a IVs party bus

  • Al Henderson

    Al Henderson

    (Nick) Name: Al, Hen do
    DOB: 26/11/84
    Place of birth: UK
    Position: 2nd row/blindside – probably a reluctant prop once this season is over (read: prop)
    Weight: 98KG
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): A fine inducing zero
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: Beating Ealing with 14 men after a 12hr flight from Hong Kong
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Anyone of them except Bad Taste
    What is your special talent: Erm…..
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Turning the current Scotland side into a grand slam winning side (to try and beat Italy first)

  • Tom Wrigglesworth

    Tom Wrigglesworth

    (Nick) Name: Wriggles
    DOB: 21/12/1994…!
    Place of birth: London
    Position: 4,5,6,7,12,13….
    Weight: Not as heavy as Bad Taste
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): Tours Attended 2 – Tours Remembered 0
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: #LGL
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Ginola to see how he handles that incredible hair
    What is your special talent: Not managing to play all season but only in finals…
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: The ability to beat the Japanese one in a pint off

  • Jon Blackburn

    Jon Blackburn

    (Nick) Name: Jon (yet to get Christened)
    DOB: 12/03/1991
    Place of birth: Oxford
    Position: The classic prop/backrower
    Weight: 95kg
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): The IVs have never been on tour to my knowledge (this has been sent upstairs for review: decision pending)
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: The social organisation is like no other
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Grinder – his improv roleplay skills are to be admired
    What is your special talent: Not remembering nights out
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: To not play in the front row

  • Trevor Leydon

    Trevor Leydon

    (Nick) Name: Medium Sized Trev, Big Trev, Big Irish Trev, Whatever, Sir (assuming I am officiating)
    DOB: 1975……..seriously some of these people I have kit older than and refs can now be younger than me! (Chair comment: old enough to be Wriggles’ dad. Fact.)
    Place of birth: Dublin……home of BOD and many, many great rugby players.
    Position: 1, 4, 5
    Weight: 95kgs – 125kgs (sporting event dependant, rugby for the latter, ironman for the former, everyday for the middle)
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): Too many to be a skiv, too few for my liking, all classic though
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: What’s not to love!!!! Seriously everything but most of all the lads and possibly having the most famous party boy as a founder…that’s Oli Reed rather than Adult!
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Off, ex-flatmate and IV’s legend
    What is your special talent: Lobbing in the random hand grenades while drinking, not sure that’s a talent/ Downing a bottle of HP brown sauce for no apparent reason.
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: To cure hangovers and be instantly at peak fitness and be back in my 20’s again.

  • Mark Carlsson

    Mark Carlsson

    (Nick) Name: Carlsson, Get Naked, If I have clothes on why isn’t everyone else naked?
    DOB: 03/08/1990
    Place of birth: Shoreham-by-Sea
    Position: Hooker
    Weight: 80kg+ when naked: Which is how I spend >90% of my time
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): IV – including the Invasion of Holland, the Excursion to the North and attempting to reclaim Swansea as England
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: The fantastic examples set by leadership on how to properly hydrate and maintain mass on the weekends (#beerseveryweekend)
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Michael “Adult” Biltoo – obvious reasons
    What is your special talent: To crack on to birds and for them to be convinced I am trying it on with their boyfriends
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: How about the power to kill a yak from 200 yards away… with mind bullets! That’s telekinesis, Kouj. How about the power… to move you?/ keeping my clothes on

  • Hamish Reid-Kay

    Hamish Reid-Kay

    (Nick) Name: Hamish (yet to be christened)
    DOB: 01/03/1989
    Place of birth: Hong Kong
    Position: Blindside Flanker/Second Row
    Weight: 90 kg
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 0
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: Being able to galavant around SW London with all-around good blokes
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Maximus
    What is your special talent: Cunning linguist
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Time travel

  • Simon Merrill

    Simon Merrill

    (Nick) Name: Not-Kouj, Not-Chi, Mezz, the other other Asian
    DOB: Too old for any of the girls he dates
    Place of birth: Bangkooooooooooook
    Position: Supersub
    Weight: 24kg (after a big meal)
    No. of IVs tours (inc. micro tours): 1
    What do you love most about Rosslyn Park and the IVs: I wouldn’t know as I’m never around
    If you could be another IV for a week, who would it be: Anybody but myself
    What is your special talent: Pretending people want me to do backflips
    If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Stop being flakier than a Parkinson’s sufferer with eczema

  • The Mighty Thor

    The Mighty Thor

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    School: Thor hails from the Swedish School in Barnes.

    Playing History: After playing for Old Asgardian 1st XV he thought the Middlesex Merit Shield was an object of infinite power and took a place in the IVs for the 2015/16 season.

    Favourite tipple : Mead

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